I have had this conversation more times that I can remember over the past ten years of my priesthood. A husband or wife comes in and says, “Father we are having trouble in our marriage.” Then the various list of what is wrong follows. Then I will ask one question, “When was the last time you had time alone together? A date night? A weekend away? Some time just to focus on each other?” More often than not (I would say over 90%of the time) my question is met with silence and they try to think of the last time. I can then ask a second question, “when was the last time you had quality time with one of your children?” I get just the opposite response…usually there is a whole list of times. Don’t get me wrong, problems in a marriage are difficult and just spending time together isn’t going to solve every problem but it is a beginning.

Here is what the Church says marriage is “the intimate partnership of life and the love which constitutes the married state has been established by the creator and endowed by him with its own proper laws…For God himself is the author of marriage.” (Gaudium et Spes #48)   This statement on marriage from the Second Vatican Council is powerful because it links the life of husband and wife to the life of God. In just the first five works “the intimate partnership of life” reminds us of the call to unity and dedication towards the other that holds marriage together. To be intimate in a relationship isn’t just the physical that is often portrayed by media rather it is the deep knowing of the other that takes time, effort and sacrifice in the presence of the other in our life. It is the choosing the first and greatest love over all others as we unite our life to God’s call to holiness in our proper state of life. True intimacy is responding to the needs and call of our beloved in faith, hope and charity.

It is the partnership of dedication where working towards a common goal (heaven) is found in the laboring in the field of marital love where husband and wife choose daily to be open to life, open to love and open to the response of God’s message to lead one another to the foot of the cross where sacrificial love blooms in the holiness of unity with God and the beloved. It is recognizing that the fruit of love pales in comparison to the lived life of love in the sacramental holiness of marriage.

Lastly it is all about life lived and blessed. We damage life when we cut ourselves off from the source of life, which is first and foremost God, but also from our sacramental life. Choosing to live that life fully in faith and hope helps us to move through the struggles and to re-engage again and again in the beauty of love.

Oh, and by the way…I know you have been waiting for the God part…all of the above paragraph works with God where he desires us to be in an intimate partnership of life through Him, with Him and in Him, (you might recognize those words from Mass) in the joy of the Gospel.

We pray for happy and holy marriages. We pray for those who are struggling in their marriage. We pray for those who have suffered the hurt of divorce in marriage.

God Bless

Fr. Mark