“I’m not ready yet.” or “We’re not ready yet.” is often the plaintive plea I hear from young adults who are in a serious and committed relationship but have not taken the step towards marriage YET. This attitude is more often than not reinforced by their parents who counsel them to wait and then are surprised when they do wait for much longer than they would wish for their children, in their desire of happiness for them.
The idea of “not ready” for the vocation of marriage is brought out of, I believe, fear rather than hope. The fear is a real thing with many families experiencing broken marriages and struggling relationships our young adults can see the advice to wait as a hopeful cure to the fear of hurt within the marriage.
Of course, this is all a great lie. Marriage is never easy and most couples I know will tell you honestly, the only thing that ultimately prepares you for marriage is living and loving marriage itself. There is a truth in this reality but also we need to remind ourselves that the preparation for the vocation of marriage as with any vocation is founded in the love of family and the example and support given by family, friends and the community.
This truth is also present in vocations to the priesthood and religious life. Rather than the cry “I’m not ready yet.” we more often hear, “I’m not holy enough yet.” as the stated reason for not saying “yes” to God’s invitation to serve in these two wonderful vocations.
The coming week, November 6-13, is Vocation Awareness Week in the Catholic Church where we pay special attention to the vocations to the priesthood and consecrated religious life. As a vocation who entered seminary formation at a later age, 39, I understand in a special way both cries/excuses that I hear from young men and women who are called to either marriage or priesthood and consecrated life. It is an excuse that I used too.
How do we, as a Catholic Church, help and support the formation of our young people for their proper vocation in life? The easy answer is prayer. The more difficult answer is example. The hardest answer is encouragement and support. All three are necessary and vital in growing the heart and soul in preparation for the proper vocation of each person but it is also important to recognize the third step brings to fruition all that we desire for in the joy, peace and happiness of life.
Two quick stories…I still remember one of my older sisters, Molly, telling me many years ago that their parish had asked them to think of a young man who may have a calling to the priesthood. She gave them my name. I didn’t respond to the call at that time…it took many more years…but in a small way it was the voice of encouragement and support that helped me to think that it was possible, that someone saw something in me that I could not and perhaps, just perhaps, God was call me to the priesthood. (He was)
Second, several years ago, a young lady who had just graduated university and was in one of those serious and committed relationships talked about her future plans in life and the hope one day should would be married…I asked the simple question of, “Why are you waiting? You will never be more ready than you are today.” Her mother standing next to me had a horrified look on her face. Later talking to the mom we had a deeper discussion about happiness and the struggles of life and how waiting would never take those away, in fact it may make it even harder, but that support, prayers and hope of family and friends would be the greatest blessing. And of course the ultimate question…”Would it make you happier to see them just live together?” The answer was no.
We will never be completely ready to answer God’s call to marriage, the single life or priesthood and consecrated life because we are all works in progress. But, our progress will be more joyful and our lives filled with greater peace when we choose to embrace and walk in our proper vocation in hope rather than fear.
Pray for vocations. Live your vocation in joy. Encourage and support those you believe have vocations to the priesthood or consecrated religious life. Thanks.
God Bless,
Fr. Mark