When my younger brother Mitch died several years ago, I wrote a short reflection entitled, “My Brother Has Died” and today with the death of my sister Mary Cay, I will write once more, but this time “My Sister Has Died.”
I am older, a little wiser (I hope) and a bit more understanding of those (including myself) who must stand in the turbulent waters of mourning, suffering and grief. The shock of the news, the sadness and tears that followed, the prayers and blessings of so many people has been a great comfort to my family (and me) during these past few days.
Just as at Mitch’s death, Mary Cay’s death has brought up many of the same questions, doubts and fears. Was I a good brother with her? Did I reach out to her as often as I should have? Did I tell her when I last spoke with her that I loved her? As I tell others in grief; “we do the best we can in the moment” I am still left with a questioning heart.
Her death certificate will read that she was born to eternal life on the same day she was born to this world, 31 December 1963-2023. She would not have seen the stream of text messages wishing her a happy birthday from her family. She would not have responded to calls of congratulations. It is a strange thing.
Mary’s life was complicated and filled with contradictions of suffering and joy that made it difficult at times to love her and help her in the way each of her family and friends wanted to, (me included). Which leads me back to those complicated questions of relationship; caring and loving a sister.
We all can see and understand the missed moments that will be first and foremost in our minds, but there are the more numerous forgotten moments where the opportunity to love was dropped, especially in actions where we believe we will have another chance and more time. ““But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” Mt 24:36
Jessica Powers in her beautiful poem “The Will of God” shares this opening line, “Listen, and tell your grief: But God is singing!” What is God singing? My hope and trust is He is singing the song I need to hear, whatever that is because in my hurt I often wish to wallow and dwell in these depths, but God desires more where we see the grandiose plan that I pray my little sister Mary Cay is now immersed in where there will be no more pain or sorrow. This is our faith…this is the song God wishes me to hear.
Rest in peace Mary.
God bless and love your brother,
Mark.
Ann Poirier January 3, 2024
Fr. Mark. I am so sorry for your loss. It is indeed so sad when we can not understand the why. I believe your sister knew the love you had for her. For you not to love would not be the Mark (Fr.) that I know.
May your sister rest in peace with all of God’s love and mercy.
Blessings to you. May God comfort you and your family.
Ann Poirier
marnzen@dsj.org January 4, 2024
Thank you Ann, your prayers are truly felt.
Katherine Petrucci January 3, 2024
With my humble heart and prayer I will hold you all in my prayers. Thank you for sharing this intimate and personal story. I truly believe our stories of joy and grief allow people to see that we are never alone. The Christ in you will heal your pain and calm your worries.
Love you my friend, Katherine
marnzen@dsj.org January 4, 2024
100% knowing you are all praying for Mary Cay and all her family is such a blessing. God Bless
Francesca Delisle January 3, 2024
Sending you so much love and grace Father Mark! Healing ❤️🩹 is such a journey. Wishing you so much during this difficult journey!
Francesca and Family
marnzen@dsj.org January 4, 2024
thanks so much I am so grateful for you and your family’s prayers….hugs.
Sr. Grace Ramos January 4, 2024
Padre Mark !!
What a beautiful reflection , I often have a questions heart most of the times because I doubt myself in the decisions I made yet strangely enough, faith keeps my hope and desire to walk a little more in trust in God who leads the mission and the life of those I care . I know and am sure your sister knew your heart and how much you love her . My deepest sympathies for you and Mariel and all the family
marnzen@dsj.org January 4, 2024
Gracias St. Grace….Your prayers and love are such a blessings for my whole family.
Christine Valenti January 4, 2024
Dear Fr. Mark,
This is a beautiful letter to your dear sister Mary Cay. Also a beautiful reminder to us (me) to love even through the difficult times. I have no doubt your sister felt the love you give to all, You and your family are in my prayers, May your dear sister Mary Cay rest in peace and may perpetual light shine upon her. Amen
marnzen@dsj.org January 4, 2024
Thank you for your prayers Christine, it is a great blessing and know that God’s love extends to so many small corners.
Mary Arnzen Hoffmeister January 4, 2024
Father Mark:
What a beautiful tribute to your sister! It is always hard to lose a sibling, knowing this firsthand. My husband is the oldest of seven and within the past five years buried a sibling each year. It had hit the family hard. So we will continue to pray for our deceased members of the Arnzen family whether it is here in Kentucky or the Arnzen out west. RIP Mary
marnzen@dsj.org January 5, 2024
thanks Mary, I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. May God bless you and keep you safe.
Anabella and Luis Estrada January 5, 2024
Dear Fr Mark,
Luis and I are so very sorry for your loss. Our unceasing prayers are with you and your family. May God grant your little sister eternal life! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
marnzen@dsj.org January 5, 2024
Thank you Anabella, your prayers are appreciated and felt deeply in the family.
Jeanette Thatcher January 9, 2024
Fr. Mark,
Even now God is with you, loving you always.
And now your sister is eternally with God! So contradictory – Joy in heaven, sorrow on earth.
I am sorry for your family’s loss.
May God’s peace surround you all.