When I started going to the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession) more than once a year and then began to practice the Sacrament monthly and then twice monthly something very frustrating began to appear in my life. It was those sins that reappeared again and again and again and again……There were times when I sought to avoid the Sacrament because my examination of conscience seemed to reveal the exact same list as it had on the previous occasion of reconciliation. It got spiritually exhausting and at some point the frustration would boil over as my confessors would gently talk me through God’s mercy and love.

This is the spiritual battle and turmoil almost every person experiences in their lives and it is something that must be confronted. I often get this same feeling with the shelter-in-place and at time conflicting messages receive about caring for ourselves, our family and the community during this pandemic. The confusing and sometime contradicting information we receive can, at times, leave me wanting to not examine the news or avoid the latest announcements in fear they will be the same thing again and we will be trapped in the endless circle of waiting an focussing on the same little pebble irritating my soul.
Of course in the end I must look and enter into the next “step” no matter how small or seemingly unimportant because I know, we all know, it is in the little steps that progress is finally made.
It is often like the heavy sin that lays upon your soul for years and seems like being trapped underneath a boulder that is to enormous to move but slowly one chip at a time, a chip that is often to small to see, we grow stronger as the sin is eroded and finally it flies off and we are free. We often think this is some miracle and forget the years of prayer, battle and hurt we have lived through in thanking God for this freedom. It is the middle part which is so very difficult to live through and we wish to forget because it seems endless, pointless and without hope.

This is where I find myself very often today: In the middle of it all. And my feelings mirror the spiritual battle against my habitual sins as I wonder if they will every be gone from my life, yet I know we are in the middle.
When I was on my retreat, the week before the lock down began, God put on my soul the need to take the spiritual fruit of joy and kindness into my heart, my life and my ministry. When I was in prayer during this time I was confused as to why these two fruits seemed to pop into my thoughts again and again as I placed my self in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. And now I know.
God’s wisdom is greater than mine, and while I have too often failed in accepting these fruits over the past 5 long months they have continued to draw me back into the heart of Jesus, into the service of God’s people and into the life of peace. This past week with the confusing and contradictory messages we have received I have once more been reminded of the need for joy and kindness in the battle against sin and the hope against despair.
We are not there yet, but I trust in God and we will get there. That is my sure and certain hope. That is my faith.
Come Holy Spirit
Fill the hearts of your faithful with the fruits of joy and kindness
Enkindle in them the fire of your love….

God Bless
Fr. Mark.