This week in Katie Warner’s book “A Parent Who Prays” we have been looking at the virtue of trust in our lives and fortuitously it came as we begin our Lenten season where trust in God’s mercy and love must be embraced. It is very hard to trust completely, to throw ourselves into the arms of God, but it is what we are asked to do daily.
May I share with you some examples from this week?
First, there was a recalculation of when the lighting project in the parish church would be finished.
Second, I had a visit from a young husband whose wife is gravely ill and is in need of a miracle.
Third, the stress of celebrating Ash Wednesday services when our church was not available and the space in the gym was not sufficient.
Fourth, a Thursday with appointments and meetings from 8:00 a.m until 7:00 p.m. without more than a half hour break during the day.
Fifth, It is not even Friday…
In truth, trust was hard and I failed too often. I called out to heaven many times and my prayer with Jesus was often filled with complaining and an attitude of poor me against the world. I knew I wasn’t trusting…I knew that God was with me…but I was also sure if I just prayed harder, if I just worried more, if I just put my nose to the grindstone then I would figure it all out and could go to God with my perfect solution.
“Christ does not force our will. He takes only what we give him. But he does not give himself entirely until he sees that we yield ourselves entirely to him.” (St. Teresa of Avila)
Those crazy saints, what do they know? A lot more than me that is for sure.
This is why I love God so much…he is patient with my faults even when they are the same faults again and again and again and again and again………
He waited for me as he waits for all of us to be ready, to throw our full heart into his hands…it took until Thursday afternoon during our Holy Hour for Vocations that peace, presence and purpose began to seem real again.
All I had to do was ask for help. I texted Fr. Joseph asking if he could cover one of my commitments and I received a joyous “yes” quicker than I had imagined.
All I had to do was let it go. Yes, the chaos of Ash Wednesday happened and not all the services went smoothly as we would hope, but God was present in his people and I did not hear one single complaint about the space and the crowding in our temporary space.
All I had to do was share my sadness. During our offering of prayers during the Holy Hour one of our parishioners spoke her name, asking for the miracle of healing.
All I had to do was release my “perfect” plan. Construction is frustrating but knowing it will be done right and will enhance our worship when we return is always the ultimate goal. (But I still do wish it was already finished)
“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.” (St. Augustine of Hippo)
Allowing God to gaze into failings, our hurts, our silliness and the many other parts of our life we wish to hide allows us to hear and see the true perfect plan, the true loving embrace of suffering, the true blessing of the living stones of our Catholic faith, and yes, the true wonder of God’s love in those who ministry we share.
God bless you all.
Fr. Mark.