A few weeks ago I wrote about the importance and binding nature of vows in respect to a situation of a husband choosing to euthanize his wife and then committing suicide. In my experience as a priest I have often been confronted by situations of elderly couples struggling with health issues and the difficulties in caring for each other. In Dr. Allen Hunt’s book “The 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage” his first chapter describes one such couple. As I read this several years ago it called forth dozens of memories and stories of sacrificial love in the sacramental unity of holiness and the growth in spiritual unity with God and the beloved.
Memento mori (remember you must die) or “Begin with the end in mind.” We all know that our day will come, it is a fact of life. Death will seek us all out and we must be prepared. St. John Mary Vianney (the Curé of Ars) wrote this beautiful quote where we are reminded of our basic purpose and reason for life, “There are many Christians who do not even know why they are in the world. “Oh my God, why hast Thou sent me into the world?” “To save your soul.” “And why dost Thou wish me to be saved?” “Because I love you.” The good God has created us and sent us into the world because He loves us; He wishes to save us because He loves us…To be saved, we must know, love and serve God. Oh, what a beautiful life!” (p 3, from “The Little Catechism of the Curé of Ars)
This is an important fact: we are meant for love, for God and for Sacrament. This is the truly Christian part and why the Incarnation of Jesus is life changing when we choose to embrace the sacramental life. Our very physical being requires the blessing of touch and to withhold this touch is destructive to all relationships. I remember in my first assignment as a priest visiting a couple. Watching for several years as the wife fell deeper and deeper into Alzheimer’s and the struggle it was for her and her husband and the entire family. But one image is burned into my memory. I was visiting them after they had moved into an assisted living facility and as I walked into their room he was gently rubbing her feet as she was more relaxed and at peace than I had seen in several months. He simply remarked, “She always likes when I do this.” A simple act of fidelity to love. Sharing a sacramental grace of serving the other without expecting any return…we are made for love, made for God, made for Sacrament. This is the binding power of sacramental love. Fr. Ronald Rohlheiser describes it like this, “The Eucharist is God’s kiss. As Andre Dubus so succinctly put it, “Without the Eucharist, God becomes a monologue.” He’s right. We need more than words, we need to be physically touched. This is what happens in the Eucharist and it is why the Eucharist, and every other Christian sacrament, always has some tangible, physical element to it—a laying on of hands, a consuming of bread and wine, an immersion in water, an anointing with oil, an embrace needs to be physical, not only something imagined.” (p 33 from “Our One Great Act of Fidelity” Fr. Ronald Rolheiser)
Knowing the other, whether it is in sacramental marriage, ordination or consecrating ourselves to God are vows of unity and hope where when we “begin with the end in mind” focuses us not just on the immediate response but on the trust of a response that will come out of love. It is the moment of the Incarnation where we joyfully embrace the cross because we feel the kiss of the beloved in the very depth of our soul. I recently saw a post on facebook where a young man began to doubt his Christian faith because he thought Christianity was about “caring” for others. This only touches the surface…it is about loving the other, even the enemy, because caring can easily be abandoned but loving gives over the heart to another in a deep and passionate gift…even when it is refused.
I would invite you to listen to the words below…this is a love that flourished in binding grace and hope into a passionate offering of self without needing a response.
“With her small hand resting in his, just as it had on the day they were married, Maggie breathed her last breath. “Until death do us part.”…They embraced the secret of purpose. They knew he goal, where they were heading. Wisdom teaches, “Begin with the end in mind.” In other words, know where you’re going. Carlton and Maggie did just that. They knew their purpose (to get to heaven), and they pursued it together in marriage for more than sixty-six years.” (p 24 from “The 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage” by Dr. Allen Hunt)
Memento mori (remember you must die) or “Begin with the end in mind” because we are meant for love, for God and for Sacrament.
God Bless
Fr. Mark